Every so often I go through old documents I’ve saved and find a few gems of wisdom I’ve left for my future self to find. I had a recent hard drive failure and found one such gem scattered amongst the ruins.
From August 30, 2011
I just think that trying to lose yourself in a fictional world is…pseudo. If you think motivation will just smack you in the face one day… Consider the fact that it might not, and then what? You’ve wasted all that time. And that’s what I’m scared of, wasting time.
When Will and I went to Shambhala last year, and poor old Jenny broke down, and we started talking about hitching to Sham, I was having a panic attack. And when the car nearly started on fire, I was so nauseas… The mechanic came and picked us up and we got to his garage. And he was so nice. I paid for it and I was asking him if the car would start smoking again. This giant blonde mechanic covered in grease looked me in the eye, told me that it would be fine, and then gave me the best piece of advice I’ve ever received.
Worry about it when it happens.
For me…that’s huge. Don’t think that thinking these ideas, thinking about people…or things…or places…whatever…they’re just ideas. Don’t let them scare you. Don’t let them stress you out. And by no means let them worry you.
If anything, be thankful that you have such a mind that can think about those things and that you actually have the power to change things around you.
– Rachel Panasiuk, the best little sister I never had
I look back on these snippets and try to imagine what I was feeling and going through when these sorts of conversations took place, and look at where I am now and realize just how far I’ve come. In the two years since this conversation took place I feel like I’ve frown an unmeasurable amount. I’ve accomplished so much, I’ve got ambitions, I’ve got motivation, and I’m driven to achieve my goals. I think if Past Steve could look forward he would be proud.
I look back at Past Steve and wish I could just pat him on the back and say, “Don’t worry, it all works out.”