To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I’ll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favourite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.
– Conan O’Brien
I’d like to say that 2012 will standout as on of the key years that helped define the years that would follow it. I don’t know if it will, or won’t, but if feels like it might. 2012 started out fairly interestingly. Shortly before Christmas, my first (albeit short) relationship in long than I’d like ended. New Years wasn’t exciting. I broke my hand in a fit of frustration as previous events culminated with the shattering of a simple mug that, when filled with tea, reminded me of nothing but my Opa, as nothing else did. Things didn’t exactly start off on the highest of notes, and for a few months it didn’t seem like they would start looking up.
Then spring came along. Thinking back it’s actually hard to keep track of what happened in spring. I started going to Tonight It’s Poetry more frequently. D&D became much more regular. Nick popped up for St. Patrick’s Day (I think). Things got more social. They were looking up. Will was gearing up to go to China, Steph was gearing up to go to South America. Tony was gearing up to go back to Ontario (even though he was in BC and it wouldn’t actually effect how much we hung out). People all around me were DOING things. And it was exciting! Thinking of all my friends going off on adventures! The places they’d go! The people they’d see! The things they’d do! The STORIES they’d tell! I couldn’t WAIT for them to go! I even went on a tiny adventure of my own and took the Jeep to Winnipeg to visit Rachel and get my fill of sister hangouts. Later, I made a giant rice crispy square (and it was DELICIOUS).
And as I was becoming more and more excited for everyone around me to start their adventures… They were suddenly gone. All the time I spent helping them get ready to leave, I never actually thought that they would really be leaving, and what I would do without them. With Steph gone, who would spark spontaneous adventure? With Will gone, who would keep on my case to keep me off my own case? To keep my head in the game? Who would do dishes with me in our underwear on webcam for all of Reddit to see?
And all at once I was lost.
All at once I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.
All at once I realized I knew exactly what I was doing. I was doing nothing.
I didn’t know what to do.