Thanks For Calling Tech Support

This call may be recorded for comedic purposes
Stevenger: Thank you for contacting [REDACTED], my name is Stevenger, how can I help you today?
ManBehindSentry: yeah hi… um… my toaster won’t turn on…
Stevenger: Alright sir, thanks for contacting me. I understand that you’re having an issue with your toaster, is that correct?
ManBehindSentry: yes.
ManBehindSentry: fix it.
Stevenger: Alright no problem, we can get this sorted out for you but first I just need to ask a few questions to gather a little information.
Stevenger: Can I start by getting your first and last name, as well as your phone number in case this call is disconnected?
ManBehindSentry: LOOK I’M STANDING HERE IN MY FUCKING BOXERS AND EVERYONE AROUND THE BLOCK CAN SEE I’M STANDING HERE HALF NAKED WITH 2 LIMP PEACES OF BREAD
ManBehindSentry: *pieces
ManBehindSentry: ManBehindSentry
ManBehindSentry: [REDACTED]
ManBehindSentry: [REDACTED]
ManBehindSentry: now… can you fix the limp bread situation?
Stevenger: Thanks Tristan, I can certainly understand how your situation may be frustrating
ManBehindSentry: damn straight…
Stevenger: Alright, can I get the model of your toaster?
ManBehindSentry: sure…
ManBehindSentry: [REDACTED]
ManBehindSentry: would a picture help?
Stevenger: That’s alright sir, I can pull up all the information on your toaster from our database, just give me one moment while that loads for me
ManBehindSentry: YOU KNOW THIS TOASTER WORKED JUST FINE UP UNTIL IT’S WARRENTY EXPIRED
ManBehindSentry: YOU SCAM ARTISTS ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO CON THE MIDDLE CLASS MAN
Stevenger: I’m sorry to hear that, sir. I can assure you that these toasters are designed to function for an extended period of time.
Stevenger: Alright, I’ve got the information in front of me
Stevenger: Now, you mentioned that it isn’t working? Could you give me a few more details about your issue?
ManBehindSentry: sure.
ManBehindSentry: want just the play by play?
Stevenger: That would be fine, sir
ManBehindSentry: so i wake up next to my bitch wife.
ManBehindSentry: put on some pants.
ManBehindSentry: realize they are to damn small
ManBehindSentry: so i take off the pants
ManBehindSentry: mozy on over to YOUR DAMN TOASTER
ManBehindSentry: and stick in 2 limp ass pieces of bread.
ManBehindSentry: when low and behold.
ManBehindSentry: it exploded the previous night from when i stuck a fork into it trying to get out my fucking quarter.
ManBehindSentry: now am i going to be compensated or not?
Stevenger: I’m sorry to hear about your issue, sir
ManBehindSentry: i would also like to issue a complaint… i was storeing my ammuntion in there… so the damn kids won’t get at it… kids can’t play with loaded guns… that’s just stupid i let em play with my unloaded guns.
Stevenger: Unfortunately [REDACTED] cannot be held liable for instances of misuse or accidental damage, so I am unable to offer you any further support with this particular toaster. However, I am authorized to offer you a coupon for up to 15% off your next purchase of a [REDACTED] toaster at participating retailers around the nation. Would you be interested in this offer?
ManBehindSentry: and now i have no ammo.
ManBehindSentry: can i speak to your manager?
ManBehindSentry: i ain’t accepting no coupon… until i speak to your manager first.
Stevenger: Just one moment sir, I’ll see if someone is available. Would you mind if I placed you on hold for 2-3 minutes while I looked into that for you?
ManBehindSentry: sure…
ManBehindSentry: enjoy your job while you still have it.
Stevenger: Thank you, sir, your words of encouragement are the reason I look forward to speaking with fine individuals such as yourself
Stevenger: *click*
ManBehindSentry: …
ManBehindSentry: this has been more then 2-3 minutes…
ManBehindSentry: does no one run [REDACTED]?
Stevenger: I’m sorry, your call has been discunnected. If you’d like to place a call, please hangup and try again.
ManBehindSentry: …
ManBehindSentry: BETTY GET ME MY GUN
Toasted